As a teenager I was very thin – underweight – less than 100 pounds. Then at 20 years old, and at 5’6 1⁄2”, I finally reached my heaviest weight – a whopping 112 pounds! No matter how much or what I ate I could not gain weight. I used to envy people who were overweight because at that time I felt at least they could diet and lose it. I was then introduced to the ‘Birth Control Pill’ and I ballooned to 130 pounds almost overnight. Okay so this is not a lot but for me at that time it was a big leap. Even though I did not stay on ‘the pill’ for long, my metabolism was permanently changed. From that time on I was in ‘battle’ with my weight. I managed to win this battle during my early 20s and 30s and had a career in modeling. I was a successful professional model, appearing on many magazine covers, TV commercials and catalogs which included bathing suits and lingerie. Even after birthing 2 children, I still managed – with exercising and various diets, to keep my weight in check. But I acquired a new companion – the yo yo. I would drop pounds and inches only to gain them back plus some extra. Then to top it all off – menopause reared its head and things became even more challenging. Ahh… the days of only 130lbs are long gone. Everything is in ones perspective.
My life took a whole new direction in the ‘spiritual’ realm. My journeys lead me into teaching classes, facilitating seminars and retreats and speaking engagements which involved a great deal of travel. The topics of my seminars are numerous and often about being aware of the power of your thoughts, empowerment and Self realization. www.Hannelore.ca I discovered the magic of wearing ‘robes’ and shawls to conceal my weight and became an expert on how to dress to camouflage the excess pounds. I rarely wore my favorite and sleeveless dresses as I was embarrassed of my arms. This photo, taken of me last year, was one of my rare moments still wearing one of my sleeveless dresses which I barely squeezed into. (A note – now after HCG it is ‘swimming’ on me.)
In my effort to be positive and love my Body, I would stand nude in front of the mirror and state the affirmation – “I have a perfect and beautiful body”. Only to have my thought respond with ‘Yuck’ I would then repeat my affirmation only to be constantly hit with negative chatter like ‘oh yeah right’ – ‘you do not’ – ‘what about that cellulite’ – ‘look at that belly’ – ‘those are certainly not perfect thighs’ – and on and on – and the affirmation felt like a lie. I would often feel hypocritical while teaching my classes on how important it was to love your Self (which includes your Body) when I could not accept this part of me. The line “Here, take my advice…I am currently not using it!” became very real.
I then found that if I said “I am in the process of returning to my perfect and beautiful body”, this now ‘felt’ like a truth, allowing me to be gentle with myself.
My life became and still is very hectic as my classes and teachings lead me to many parts of the globe. Allowing for the transformation of the natural process of ‘aging’ and menopause, my weight continued to slowly and gradually increase.
I often reflect on the memory of one very terrible day – my worst ever. A number of years ago, a well known author and speaker arrived in my city to speak. I was really looking forward to it. When I went into my closet to choose something special to wear, everything I tried on did not look good. I had gained too much weight. I got so incredibly angry with myself that right there and then – if you remember the movie ‘Edward Scissorhands’ – I energetically shredded myself up. I have done a lot of work on myself emotionally since that eventful day and have never returned to that state.
I find it interesting to observe that I have no judgment of my friends and acquaintances that are my size and larger – I find them beautiful. Yet, of myself I judge.
I facilitate amazing and joyful Dolphin retreats in Hawaii where we swim in the ocean with non-captive dolphins (CommuningWithDolphins.com). This of course means that I need to wear ….a bathing suit! Gone is the body that used to model these tiny little items. Ah, but leave it to me to expertly devise a way to slip in and out of my wetsuit under my beach wrap.
With my busy schedule and extensive traveling, I did not include an exercise program and did not eat a balanced diet. Sitting at my computer into the wee hours of the morning, I adopted the bad habit of late night snacks.
In the past couple of years the pounds gradually and steadily increased. Then the horror of seeing this photo of me taken at our last retreat was the final straw! I had never been this large! I decided that enough was enough – I set my intention and put it out to the Universe…I called for help.
Synchronicity – and the answer to my prayers …HCG!
I had just completed my three Dolphin retreats on the Big Island of Hawaii when I received an email from Kutira. I met Kutira in 1999 while in Maui. She and her partner Raphael performed at a retreat I attended. In fact one of my favorite CDs is their CD – “The Calling”. I could not believe how amazing she looked in her picture – she lost 30 pounds. She was incredibly beautiful before and even more so now! She was promoting a 21 day retreat and was introducing this incredible method – HCG. The information about this can be found on her website: www.BodyMindMorphing.com
The timing was perfect as I planned to visit Maui once my retreats were complete. Even though Kutira’s ‘Body-Mind Morphing’ retreat was moved to another date, it still gave us the opportunity to meet with each other. It was clear we would work together via long distance. I returned to Canada and waited until after my families get together and ‘mothers day’ celebration to begin taking my HCG drops. Kutira and I connected regularly with each other through ‘Skype’. I found our sessions to be incredibly helpful, encouraging and a tremendously powerful ‘mind’ support.
My process while on HCG… I came to realize…
I LOVE food!! The mind is a wondrous thing! I was on my first week on the program when a friend from out of town came to visit with me. We went to Vancouver’s ‘Granville Island’. It is an absolutely wonderful market with an endless cornucopia of the most delicious foods. A feast for the eyes and aromas to tantalize even the most dedicated participant of any weight loss program.
My mind chatter would go like this…”Is it really that important to be thin – do I want to deny myself this yummy food? Why don’t I just face the fact that I am over 60 and embrace my body changes…excess fat and all?” I would then be reminded of my terrible ‘shredding’ day and bring things back into perspective.
I found that during the protocol, I very seldom felt hungry. I did have the desire to chew so I ‘chewed’ a lot of sugarless gum. And I did miss not eating. Especially when at a restaurant or great little deli – seeing everyone enjoy great looking soups and sandwiches and the wonderful aromas that would waft my way …or going to Starbucks and not having my Latte!
Part of my journal entry during the protocol:
“Yesterday was an incredible challenge. I was speaking to a small group of wealthy women who meet once a month and it was their last gathering before the summer. Because of this they had an enormous feast with the most wonderful assortment of amazing food and incredible wines. It was a huge test of the mind-morphing!!! There were so many times my hand started to reach for something to even ‘lick’ or have a teeny nibble or taste – or just one little tiny piece – and each time I had to keep telling myself – ‘NO – you have come this far, hang in there’. It was an evening of a battle of wills and I am happy to say – I succeeded in getting through with eating a small plate of cauliflower and celery with none of the yummy looking dips. The payoff – down one more pound.”
My phone sessions with Kutira helped me through the phases of no weight loss. She would remind me to measure myself. I would be in a state of disbelief and re- measure; as I found that my waist was 2 1⁄2 inches smaller since my last measuring day. And my hips would have shrunk by 2 inches and so on!
I was on the HCG drops for 43 days – in that time I released 29 pounds and 5 1⁄2 inches from my waist (yes! 5 1⁄2 inches) 4 1⁄2 inches from my hips and 4 1⁄2” from my back/chest area…and so on. Hence – pounds and inches!
I followed the program to the letter and did not sway in any way. Kutira helped me keep that dedication going strong with our continued connection with each other. I feel great! It has been tremendous fun going through my wardrobe and trying on all the beautiful items I kept but did not have the heart to get rid of just because they no longer fit me. I kept hanging on to them because ‘one day….’
As the weeks continued on the program, an outfit that finally fit great the week before was now too large. I took them in for alterations – 4 and 5 inches on the sides! I gave away four large garbage bags of clothing – a lot of my ‘flowing’ items. For years, I have kept what I call my ‘skinny’ dress and pant in my closet. Over the years it has been my way of determining how large I was becoming. What previously would not go over my hips or impossible to ‘zip’ up – is now loose!
I am having great fun selecting and wearing things that are form fitting. Even my shoe size is smaller!
I am now in the final few days of the three week maintenance phase. I am happy to report that there has been only a one or two pound fluctuation. I have not released more but I have also not gained it back!
Mahalo! I am so grateful to you Kutira and to HCG!
Before (taken day before HCG) and After (taken day after HCG)
More After Photos (taken one day after, and two weeks after):